Survival Stages to a Woman’s Independence

A woman’s independence cannot be taken for granted. Some would argue that’s how humanity was established.  As a woman, you must know what it takes to survive in the world on your own.  Know what it means to support yourself. Your life’s playbook is a product of your design. You have to know that YOU can survive. More importantly, you have to know what it feels like to pay your own way.   You are worthy of this life you have worked to create and maintain. Don’t rely on superficial means to get you to where you want to be… Women, you must test the levels of your strength by thriving.  Understand that you are capable of leading… because YOU have done it. Establish independence on your own.

Personally, I have been on my own since the second semester of my senior year of High School. I was 18 years old when my mother and I reached a breaking point in our relationship. This was due to reasons that were beyond me.  I was the punching bag.  That being said, I did not branch out into independence without any assistance until I hit 21. I worked hard, saved my money, and moved into my very first apartment.

My story…

My growth was delayed for several reasons. I was literally a baby trying to finish my K-12 academic career alone with very little family support. Unlike a lot of my peers, I was considered a “good girl”. I never gave my mother the  “fast girl” drama. I finished my last HS semester, walked across the stage, and made a big step… From 18 to 21, I busied myself playing house with my high school sweetie.  Legally, I was considered an adult.   I was helping to pay bills and I had a little “piece of a job”.  I created my own rules and found my own way, however… That did not qualify as true independence.

My woman’s Independence did not come until I learned what it takes to sustain my life by myself. I had to leave the relationship that I was in. Little did I know, at the time,  I was learning how to define my own personal value and worth. When you move independently, you really find out what you are made of. As a woman, you learn what you can do… I say to women everywhere: Ladies,  do this before you settle down or create a life with a significant other. It is a woman’s right of passage. Enjoy the experience of being the head of your own household, even if it’s just YOU. Understand the mentality and emotion that comes from doing it solo. I am not talking about assisted living. Establish your independence as a single woman. No roommates, no family members living at your house… Just you… We as women need that…

My 20’s were spent fervently working towards self-sufficiency.  Personally, I was pushed into adulthood while still transitioning from the public school system. I struggled quite a bit and ended up homeless. However, I managed to dig my way out of it. I was living, gaining, and even losing at times. The beauty is that, regardless of anything, again I was learning my strength. I gained confidence. Trials and tribulations helped me to become resilient. The gradual steps and successes gave me a sense of personal pride and amazement. I couldn’t do this with a roommate or romantic interest. Becoming Self – Determined is something that one must do on their own.

When I was a little girl, I remember my grandmother telling me, ” You don’t really begin to grow up until you hit the age of 30.” In my young and developing mind, I didn’t fully grasp what she was saying.  Turning 30 is like crossing a new threshold of adulthood. When you hit your 30s, your mindset begins to seriously focus on “The rest of my life”. When you reach that third decade, you start to pay more attention to words like “pension”, “home-ownership”, “land”, and “retirement”. Being the constant “life of the party” or simply living young and carefree slowly creeps behind you… “That is what your 20’s are for.  This is all the more reason why It makes sense to make this move (independence) in the genesis of your adulthood.

Life is no crystal stair unless you were born with an oil tycoon-type trust fund heir. Most of us have to fight for our dreams and earn our keep. After recently turning 30, I figured that I can speak on this issue with a clear head from a voice that has been weathered with maturity. Watching the growing trend of women referring to themselves as “bad bitches”, that really don’t do anything except look cute and invade our social media and cable networks with these false reality shows, I had to say something… Where are the independent women that are working and earning their way without depending on “Joe Blow”  to finance their lives? When will women embrace and understand the importance of what it means to truly be independent?