“Courting”. It is a word that you do not hear today. In fact, most of us either do not know the word and if we are only familiar with the term, it is because of our elders. As time progressed, we have transitioned from “courting” to “Netflix n chill” , “cut some”, and “Chillin at the house”. Are the days of dating with a righteous purpose over? Is everybody just horny beasts that only want to fukk? When did we lose touch with the art of courting?
1. Abstinence is your friend
We have forgotten how essential courting is when searching for a serious partnership. Sex is taken so lightly. We do not teach sex to be valued and held in high regards. The word “soul ties” is never mentioned, let alone defined. When you court, you are placing any sexual urges aside. You are vowing to look deeper than just the flesh. When you court, you keep it simple. You are genuinely getting to know the other person. Sex is that farthest action from your mind.
2. This is a learning experience: More reality, Less Romanticism
Growing up in coastal Carolina, I came from a community of elders that have built the foundations of their union’s on courting. As a result, back home, is filled with couples who have withstood the tests of time. I didn’t begin to understand a fraction of what they had until I got older. My life changed when my significant other and I began courting. He made it a point to let me know that he genuinely wanted to learn ME. Our courtship wasn’t based on romance, it was built on friendship. It wasn’t until then that I questioned myself: Did I ever really know love before taking it slow and courting?
3. How to love: Appreciating patience,
Everyone is not naturally wired with patience. Sometimes impatience can cost you a lot of headache and pain. A lack of patience can invite all kinds of havoc into your life. We want the happily ever after. The yellow brick road leading towards utopia. We often times want the fantasy that we have been sold since childhood. The fantasy was all good and dandy until you grew up and recognize that life is real.
We want a dream. Love and sex are often confused to be one in the same. A real courtship requires work and effort from both parties. It takes time to develop something real and everlasting. At the end of the day, it takes patience. We were patient. We took our connection seriously and gave our union a true chance by taking our time and learning.
4. Fine tune your power of discernment
Discernment is everything. There is something to be said about an individual who chooses to court verses an individual who is a serial dater. When you court, you grow as a person. Your level of discernment heightens as well. When you allow your gut to speak to you and you follow the instructions, you grow. You trust the spirit to lead you in the right direction.
5. Black America’s Survival depends on nation building
Overall, our children are watching. That’s the bottom line. When single people say, “I don’t have kids, not my problem”, it goes to show how egotistical we have become. We will get old tomorrow, our youth will run things then… These babies will be the decision makers one day, we better straighten up and set better examples. The black unit is deserving of honor and respect. We lead by the examples that we set.
I loved my man genuinely and unconditionally way before we solidified our union in the physical. This was the first time I had really courted. This was the first time a man assisted me in really learning my worth. I didn’t see how my personal value was damaged. I realized what I had done wrong in previous relationships. There were boundaries I but lacked the best structure. Courting is essential for so many reason but overall, courting establishes respect and structure. We as Blaq America need to work on that.
Recommended reading for Afrikan centered unions.
Complementarity: Thoughts for Afrikan Warrior Couples
The Spirit of Intimacy
Sacred Woman: A Guide to Healing the Feminine Body, Mind, and Spirit