Why I left the Bloggers Like Me (BLM) Facebook group
By BlaqKharma / May 7, 2016 / 20 Comments / Culture & Commentary
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I have been blogging for about 7 years now. One thing that I can say is that technology changes constantly. With all the new policies and upgrades happening more frequently, it is smart to attach yourself to a group of like-minded people. A friend of mine referred me to the private Facebook group Bloggers Like Me. When I was accepted into this group, I thought I made it to nerdy-techie heaven. All I knew was that I was a budding writer finding her voice and was passionate about my craft. I was so excited to attach myself to a group of women (mainly Black women) that knew how to express themselves with words. Just the idea of that is beautiful and empowering. This was two years ago. Since joining this group, I learned things and even responded to questions that some of the ladies would post. Then came the day that I had a simple question, and that shot my experience straight to hell.
After dealing with the same hosting company for 3 years, I decided to switch and find a host that is better than my current one. I have a few blogger friends who I could have asked this question to; however, on this particular afternoon (May 6, 2016), something said, “Ask the sisters in the BLM room.” This was a great move in theory but, sadly, not so much in reality… There are well over 1,500 members in this group. It seemed smart to go out of my comfort zone and ask for help. Honestly, I needed help on this. I could have researched different hosts, but there is something about getting a response from a sisterhood of bloggers that made more sense to me. I posted my question early in the afternoon. What was interesting is that not one person responded. NOT ONE. People post all kinds of things in this group. No question is too little or too great to ask a fellow blogger. The fact that nobody responded, when it is known that some women in this group were available, was extremely disheartening. What I loved about this group was that it is all women from all walks of life. Some are stay-at-home mothers and wives, and some even make a living blogging. I felt like this community was a great representation of me…
After I initially posted the question, I went on about my day. Early that evening, I got back on Facebook and returned to the room. I didn’t receive any notifications or anything. Something said, “Just look for the post to be sure if anyone had any helpful suggestions.” Not only did I go back to the page, I also searched it and could not find my post anywhere. Even though I never found it, I said… “I know the admin didn’t delete my question. “Even now, I am still giving the benefit of the doubt… I made another attempt to ask my question, and the same thing DIDN’T HAPPEN.
What was even worse was this question could have been answered in a sentence. All I wanted to know was, “Who is your host, and would you recommend them? What do you like about your host?” After being ignored again, I said: “Ok, this obviously isn’t the group for me.” I posted a status in the group saying that I had been a part of this group for at least two years and I was disappointed, followed by an “smh.” After that, I removed myself from the group. I refuse to stay anywhere where I am ignored, especially if I am reaching out and addressing a community of women who do the same thing as me: Blog. Shortly after that, I was notified by a friend that the ladies in the group were “Tearing my ass up,” as it was put to me. Not sure how true that is, but if that is true, my question is: why? These same women who couldn’t take a moment to answer a simple question all of a sudden have so much to say when I express my disappointment. You didn’t see my other two questions yet; you saw this one and got all “swole in the chest” about it. THIS IS A PROBLEM WITH BLACK WOMEN. It seems like black women, especially, are ready to ‘pop off’ as a reaction to something perceived as negative.
Keep in mind, I removed myself from the group on my own accord. I find it interesting that women from this group have something to say about me expressing my opinion. I did not attack anyone. I simply stated that I was disappointed… Maybe the “smh” at the end was harsh for some, but it was honest. I was really disappointed. Why is it that I have to piss you off with my honesty after my bad experience for you to respond? Fukk your response now! I left the group because this group is not about sisterhood. It is quite disturbing that I got responses on that post, which was taken as negative or insulting, after asking for help previously on two separate occasions. I also find it sad that these same women, who went in on me or whatever, didn’t even think to add me back to address me. No one hit me up in my inbox, woman to woman. Those are traits of a coward. At the end of the day, I learned the lesson that I was supposed to learn.
While I don’t think it’s okay for them to continue to talk about you after you’ve left, I think you’re blowing this out of proportion. Sometimes someone posts in a group and no one answers. I’ve had it happen to me. That’s not a reason to freak out. Calm down and move on. Continuing to go on and on about it just makes you look psycho. Go be an adult and move on.
Again, how are you offended? What, because I expressed my opinion? I didn’t bash or call anybody any names. Best wishes to you though.
Hello there. I’m a member of BLM and I searched the group after you posted about your post being deleted. It was not. I found it in a matter of seconds. Sometimes, in a group with a couple thousand members, posts can be pushed down a bit and also depending on when you post, they might not be seen by the majority. Anytime you posted, I saw that there were comments. I think it’s all about perception, I suppose. I find the group helpful and supportive, maybe you did not. But I don’t think it’s a reason to tear all black women down because you had a bad experience with a group. It also didn’t seem like you contributed much to the group in the last couple of years you were in it anyway. You get what you give, in any situation, I suppose. But it seems like you a bit jaded about your experiences with all black women. But I wish you well on your quest to go at it alone tho.
I did not say that the thread was deleted. In fact, this is what I said: “Something said, “Just look for the post to be sure if anyone had any helpful suggestions.” Not only did I go back to the page, I searched it and could not find my post anywhere. Even though I never found it, I said…”I know the admin didn’t delete my question.” Even now, I am still giving the benefit of the doubt… ”
The negative responses that I got for genuinely stating that I was disappointed is what sparked the article. I was content with taking it as a lesson learned. Even with that being said, I did not bash black women, I said that is a problem with black women. Please reread and highlight where I tore black women down.
I love how you’ve taken the time and expressed what so many others are feeling in their FB groups where they go to socialize and learn with like minded individuals.
Thank you. I never insulted anyone. To wake up and have all this hate mail on my blog proved my point. So sad.
I feel as though you wanted a response to a question that had been asked a least a million times not only that people do work and do other things you were not a drive participant in the group you didn’t respond to the group you didn’t contribute to the group bit got mad cause nobody answered your question that is full of woman the Friday before Mothers Day….. Maybe if you had bump the post you would have got a answer. But posting this makes you no better than the people your are talking about that your friend said bashed you.
You seem to have a super negative aspect and I hope you find happiness in life and in another group
There are people willing to help maybe it’s a lack of Facebook etiquette or lack of know there is a search but this is drama that’s not needed and screams that you need attention. The blogging world is small the black blogging world smaller don’t mess up your rep with pettiness.
PS I work 12 hours and didn’t see your posts till ten or I would have answered or at least told you were to find them but right after that you left the group.
I vented. I stated facts. That is not petty. These hate messages are petty. Have a good day
And then you delete my comment. You are unhinged, you know that? You only want to hear what YOU think is right, otherwise you turn into a stupid bitch. No one likes you, everyone thinks you’re crazy. End you blog because you are a PSYCHO. Dumb ass bitch.
Actually, I did move on. I wrote my article and vented and went to bed. now what is crazy is the fact that you went and left two messages under my post at two different times… You don’t think that’s psycho if “nobody like me” BITCH YOU LOVE ME!!! QUICK FLEXIN!! Furthermore, I did not resort to calling names. I stated that I was disappointed in the group and then vented about my experience. KILL YOSELF
I had to approve your hateful ass comment. Now that’s crazy to keep reposting hate. Be blessed tho. Get some help
First and foremost Kharma ain’t gon’ be too many more bitches! It’s no need to be nasty and calling people names if you’re offended, say that and the great thing about this whole thing is you have a choice not to pay attention to or read anything by Kharma.
Hey I’m sorry you had that experience. I’ve been in BLM for about a year and it’s been a great resource. I’ve also had questions overlooked it happened those threads move fast. I would have gladly shared my host with you but I wasn’t in the group that day. I use NameCheap and I’m very happy with them. I hate to see you feel it’s a problem with Black women. This group of women helped me get my blog to where it is and helped me develop over time. i can see where the direction has shifted and there are some members that may need to be addressed but it’s not the entire group. I do have a small mastermind group if you’d like a community. Having a community helps us grow. We do vote members in and are supportive of each other. Email me if you’re interested. Peace & Blessings
Thank You. The reason why I said “This is a problem with black women” was because of the response that I got by saying that I was disappointed. I expressed my feelings. I was honest. I didn’t say “Fukk this group”. I left and then wrote my article after being notified that I was being “dragged” for stating how I felt. The problem is… That was perceived as a negative attack on the group. I thought that this group was about learning, being lifted, and inspired by women like me who are passionate about writing. Even in my article, I didn’t bash. I recollected and shared my feelings. Thank you for reaching out. I will be emailing you
Hi, Blaq.
I am a member of BLM. You are correct no one answered your first post, however, you are incorrect in saying your post was deleted. It was not. In fact, after you made the second post about it being deleted, a member searched the group and informed you it was not. Several women even commented on your second post with some basic answers about hosting, their recommendations and asked some questions that would make or break your decision when choosing a host. The only problem — you had already left. You questioned why your post was deleted, didn’t give anyone a chance to answer and stormed off. Were there comments about your sudden departure? Absolutely. Many were shocked by your temper tantrum.
Several women saw your initial question, the problem in answering? They didn’t have one for you. And those of us who could answer did not see. I for one, am not sitting in BLM all day.. and honestly, really only see a thread if it comes up on my newsfeed. Groups appear in newsfeeds, just like Pages… it’s all about the algorithm AND the engagement.
There are a LOT of questions that do not get answered in this Facebook Group. I have posted to crickets and I am pretty active in there. There are close to 3,000 members. We have discussed hosting so many times in BLM. There are several threads with some of the basic answers.
See here’s the thing about giving lessons… you have to acknowledge the role you play. While no one answered your first post, on the second shot you received the help you wanted. By then you were already in your feelings. See, when you say that a problem with Black Women is that we are always ready to pop off… we can also say that we do not listen or give people a chance to answer us. It’s like when you say something to your kid and they don’t answer… you walk into the room and say, “I know your ass heard me” when in fact – they did not hear you at all.
Did you read the article? I didn’t say the post was deleted this is what I said: “Something said, “Just look for the post to be sure if anyone had any helpful suggestions.” Not only did I go back to the page, I searched it and could not find my post anywhere. Even though I never found it, I said…”I know the admin didn’t delete my question.” Even now, I am still giving the benefit of the doubt… ”
And a “temper tantrum” I stated that I was disappointed, left the group, and vented on my blog about the experience. Keep in mind, I still did not tear anybody down. That is far from a temper tantrum yet I respect you POV. Thank you 🙂
Hi, I’ve been in the group. Not as long as you but in the group. I recently posted a request. Same as you, didn’t get a response,: like or anything but I didn’t become disheartened. Just brushed it off. It is a two way street. In that group and many others you must be ACTIVE. Not just pop up today like a few posts and then come back a month later. You have to literally be in there often during the day, during the week.
Although I understood your frustration, I don’t think expressing your disappointment and then leaving did anything positive. You didn’t get your answers but instead others view of your action. I wish you well. One question, why did your friend report the comments to you but didn’t one invite you back in or offer a rebuttal?
I am a member of the group and I never saw your post. I often post and do not receive responses but that is probably because there is so much activity in the group. I am sorry that you felt this way and that you left. Much success to you in the future. BTW I use media temple and I love them 🙂 this question has been asked several times in the group if you searched you would have found answers.
Thank you so much 🙂
I’m really blown away! How people are responding to this article. Cursing people out, calling people names when if you’re really this super duper mad you have power in your choice, don’t respond.