Who’s the prize?

Of all the things to stand up for… Out of all things oppressive, the mind state of our people is one of those things that leaves me scratching my head and feeling less hopeful… I’m tired of these slavery-ass conversations: Who eats first? One’s gotta go & all their accomplishments. Who’s the prize?

I’ve noticed an unsettling trend in our community. There is a debate about who the “prize” is in relationships. The debate is about individual worth, not a shared purpose. Men cite their wealth as proof of their value, while women point to their independence as proof of theirs.

This debate often plays out on social media. Comments and conversations are reduced to soundbites and sensationalism, resulting in a back-and-forth that divides more than it unites. As someone who values the Black community’s history and resilience, I want to reframe this conversation.

What if I told you that the truth is simple: the real prize has never been about one person or another. The Black unit—the family, the partnership, the community, the love—has always been the prize. Historical events and societal shifts have cut us off from this foundational understanding. We must reclaim it.

In the past, the strength of Black families and communities was unmistakable. Our ancestors endured slavery, segregation, and oppression. They knew unity was key to survival and progress. A relationship was not just about personal fulfillment. It was about building a foundation for the next generation and helping the community. That type of unity is the prize…

This unity was not only an act of love but also an act of resistance. During slavery, families were torn apart. Yet the desire for growth and positive progression remained solid. During the Jim Crow era, Black families relied on each other for strength against systemic oppression. This sense of unity was not only cultural. It was a necessity.

However, as society evolved, so did the forces that sought to undermine this strength. Integration, a key moment in the civil rights fight, posed new challenges. It offered opportunities, yes. But it also shifted the focus away from the self-sufficiency and cohesion of Black communities. The love got lost in the mix.

Then came the feminist movement. The fight for gender equality was arguably essential. But mainstream feminism wasn’t designed for black women. The black woman was pimped for her energy in that fight. The movement often overlooked the unique racism and sexism faced by Black women.  These are just two things of many that further deepened the divide between the black unit.

We’re living in an era where individualism is often placed on a pedestal, and the effects of this mindset are deeply felt in our community. Social media is a megaphone for personal validation. Its endless highlight reels and curated snapshots fuel this. It’s all about showcasing your own worth—being “the prize”—without much thought to the bigger picture.

This focus on “self above all else” is creating cracks in the foundation of our relationships. Black men are told their value is in their wallets. Black women are told to find worth only in their independence. These narratives frame us as opponents, not teammates. They drive us apart when we should be working to bridge the gap.

This kind of thinking doesn’t just harm our relationships; it limits our growth as a community. The true prize has never been about one person’s success or status. It’s about the power we have when we come together. A healthy, loving partnership. A family that thrives. A community that uplifts and supports each other. That’s the real win. We can only achieve it by breaking free of this “me-first” mentality and embracing a collective vision.

Reclaiming the Black Unit as the ultimate prize starts with recognizing how outside influences have shaped the way we see ourselves and interact with each other. Media, cultural shifts, and the lingering impact of historical traumas have all played a role in creating the divisions we now face. However, these challenges do not define us, and they do not have to dictate our future. We have the power to reshape our perspectives and rebuild our connections.

First, we must reconsider our priorities. Relationships cannot thrive if they are treated as competitions or transactions. A relationship’s purpose is not just personal gain. It’s about creating something greater together. A strong relationship is built on respect and shared goals. It knows that our work today can create a legacy for future generations.

We must also return to the community-oriented mindset that has always been at the heart of Black culture. For centuries, our people found strength in caring for each other. But, modern tales often prioritize individual success over the community’s well-being. This is wrong. By supporting each other, we strengthen our relationships. We also build a strong foundation for our families and communities to thrive.

At the same time, we need to confront the wounds we carry—both as individuals and as a community. The historical and personal traumas that Black men and women have endured have not simply disappeared. They manifest in how we communicate, love, and see each other. Healing these wounds requires honesty, patience, and compassion. Our hearts and our minds must be open when we approach each other. We must commit to the hard but necessary work of reconciliation and understanding.

We must think about what we are building for the future. A healthy relationship is not just about what it provides in the present; it is about the legacy it creates. Whether that legacy takes the form of raising children who are grounded in their identity, starting a business that uplifts the community, or simply modeling love and partnership for others to emulate, the focus should always be on leaving something meaningful behind.

Reclaiming the Black unit as the prize is not an easy task, but it is a necessary one. It requires us to reevaluate, reconnect, and recommit to the values that have sustained us for generations. When we do this, we do not just restore the bonds between us—we reclaim the strength and unity that have always been the foundation of our greatness.

Reclaim the Prize