“Giving as good as you get” is a quality concept. When you are returning beauty and generosity, this works. When it comes to harsh words, however, this concept can be dangerous. Hurt people will hurl barbs at a target with relentless rapid fire. Anger can trigger some of the most brutal tongue lashings. In my experience, I have learned from many persons who were ‘fly at the mouth’.

Silence is golden. Often times I did not feel like expressing the same rage. Those thoughts were not something I shared. Yet, when I sought counsel in regards to the challenges I faced, I was instructed to fight fire with fire. My father told me that when under a barrage of insults and otherwise, that I should “Give as good as you get.”

I have entertained some mean women, Period. I learned obvious lessons on emotional evolution. However,  in realizing their damages, I recognized a lot of those “shots” were not meant for me. Some action or speech triggered her PTSD. I wasn’t even the reason why she was firing. And that’s where “Giving as good as you get” can go very wrong.

During those times, I felt like I was unjustly targeted. As a result, I would return fire. It was my aim to inform my assailant that I had ammunition as well: Take that, take that… The pain that they spit at me, was only compounded when I opened my mouth to engage. Once the shield and facade was shattered, the after-effects were terrible. I’ve seen terror, disbelief, and humiliation.  These are all different levels of destruction. NO relationship can exist in good condition when this behavior is witnessed.

AS an Original Man, we live in a state of confrontation. It’s a battle that is waged daily. This is a part of the colonization program.  Our women and men have been conditioned to conflict. It’s highly unfortunate but, taking it out on each other is sometimes second nature.  That is absolutely absurd. However, it is a chest constricting TRUTH. The enemy knows that if we are going at each other, we aren’t building. We become more and more broken down. Conquering this quandary requires survival strategy. I know this, because that is where I have failed as a ‘Black’ man.

Gentleness…

A most peculiar strategy perhaps. Silence, once again, can be the sharpest sword. Humility, verbal reassurance, and reinforcement surrender. In other words: Do not fight back. When your lady launches tirades, listen. Acknowledge her expression, yet do not return the favor. Don’t even attempt to defend. It’s like when in water.  With rough waves, or rapids;  you don’t try to fight the tide, you flow with it. Remain flexible  instead of rigid. You can be firm. Just remember, be firm in a way that you are acknowledging her hurt. Actually, if we as men know our worth, we shouldn’t feel the need to yell and scream anyway.

There is nothing to gain by calling our sisters out of their names. It does not behoove us to calculate accusations. Even if we are confused about the roots of an anxious situation. Keep in mind, brothers wrestle with the remnants of abuses, as well. Two crazed compatriots in each others face does not help. We can not hear when this is happening. Nobody is listening in these instances. So, how can we be on one accord?

I hope that some of this comes across as common sense. Just as much may be left up to clinical evaluation. We have to proactively do what we need to do to change our situation.  We have all been hurt. Stop giving your brother or sister your worst. Refuse to recycle the worst of others. When you get Greatness, give it as good, Heap joy on the heads of your sweethearts.  If you’re being given hate, use restraint. Be prepared. Learn the proper tactics of emergency response.

Suppress fire thoughtfully. Know your worth and your role. Show your love in action and maintain your self – control.

 

“Through all the bullshit, we must…Comfort, Help, Encourage, Celebrate and Appreciate each other.   Love, Laugh, Give, and Receive from each other. Because…the social science that accompanies oppression, [and] the plan of the oppressor, is that the conditions imposed on us will make us turn on each other.”

   — @afropointofview