Today, I have to say: I absolutely love the woman that I am. What’s even better is, I am looking forward to evolve into the woman that I am destined to be. On some days, the growing pains may seem unbearable, yet I thrive. For this, I am grateful. My beautiful struggle is a glorious transition. I write this open letter from a place of strength and wisdom, a place that I never knew exist within me.
For your sake, I hope to God that you begin to learn who you are. One thing that I have come to learn is that you are not capable of loving. Do you even love yourself? You use the word “love” to hurt and spread death. You have never loved. Lies were told , ‘in the name of love’, for your own selfish and manipulative reasons. Being a black man in your early 30’s, for your sake, I hope that one day you will overpower your own narcissism. That has allowed you to self-sabotage your own potential for greatness. Maybe, one day, you can own and embrace all of you, even your bullshit. I write this open letter with love as a former friend. I can say that.
Learn to deal with yourself. You lied to my face, attempted to tarnish my name, and invited yourself to my place of residence to talk “business” with my daughter and I at gunpoint. Not to mention, the countless verbal and written threats to my inbox. I put my own business dealings on the back burner to help your blind vision. After meetings ending in fights, bad energy and, even worse, you laid out drunken like a wino, I made the decision to continue to invest in my own business (remember, you sought my services.) You showed me repeatedly that you are not equipped to handle a serious business. I realized my worth professionally and left on my own.
If all you have to show for yourself is a loan and a closet full of Nike’s, you don’t have shit.
I own my shit. It doesn’t matter how ugly it is. To be honest, 2015 was one of the worst years of my life. Dealing with your madness and instability only proves how much of a dismal and gloomy state I was in then. I made a grave mistake by dealing with you both personally or professionally. Our interaction was truly a reflection of my self – esteem and damaged self worth at that time and place. I can consider it as being something I ‘needed’ in order to recognize what I TRULY wanted in life.
You played with my health. Because of you, I was in the hospital in unbearable pain and an unbelievable diagnosis. What’s worse is that you played the situation. Instead of being honest about your personal promiscuous behavior, you manipulated me. You sought to blame and deflect…and I fell for it. My suspicions have been confirmed a couple of times since my survival of that ordeal. I contacted the other brotha that I may have been impacted… It turns out he was fine. Yet and still, you are keeping up with playing the victim. You did that to yourself. To this day, you are still lying about that situation. The truth is; I felt sorry for you and took you to get the shot in your ass.
At the end of the day, I thank you. Thank you for the same bullshit that you refuse to own. I appreciate the fact that you talked about trivial things like my shoe collection and body type behind my back. I still landed on my feet. You never intimidated nor pumped fear in my heart. I am more afraid of you harming other innocent people with all of your reckless behavior.
At the end of the day, I don’t hate you. I don’t even think about you until you throw a pointless grenade in my direction. Your whole existence is a disappointment and you know it. You show it. We can count on you taking shots, lying, and playing “victim”. Plain and simple, we had absolutely no business dealing with each other personal or in business. I learned valuable lessons. However, because of you, I met my partner. I found my soulmate, that twin flame. Love proved to be the sweetest revenge that I never asked for. I am happy. Not only in my personal life, but business.
Since abandoning your sinking ship, and finding myself again, I have grown immensely. I have two incorporated companies and began an organic product line. Not to mention, I am glowing with new life that is formulating in my womb as I write. In dealing with you, I had to deal with me. I had to question, “How in the hell did you even go there with this nigga?”
The sad truth is, I did not value ME. I know better now. I have since recognized the state of sickness I had been living in. Prayerfully, you can confront your internal maladies earnestly. Evolving and improving and moving forward in love are steady aims. Unfortunately, it seems you disapprove. A union you once claimed to be “happy for’ has become a target of your lashing out. Why? Do you even ask yourself? Why does one seek to deface the beautiful? We have done nothing to you. You have soured your view because two people you wanted to misuse, and who once rolled in the dirt with you, now choose to be better. This is evidence of a disturbed condition…