A man calling himself an “alpha male” is one of the quickest ways to make me side eye him. Not because confidence is a problem, but because announcing dominance is not dominance. It is marketing wrapped up in pussypoppin’. Better yet, it’s ego dressed up as k9 leadership. If you have to label yourself, you are already negotiating your own insecurity. Real strength does not need a press release.
When people say “alpha male,” they usually mean the leader, the provider, the protector, the one who is respected. The problem is that the men who talk the most about being alpha rarely show the traits they claim to possess. They want the title without the burden, the perks without the discipline, and the authority without responsibility. Too often, it is control, not character.
A man who actually leads does not have to belittle people to prove he is on top. He does not need to ridicule another man to feel tall. He does not have to talk over everybody in the room to be heard. That man is power in motion, and power does not need to constantly remind a woman that he is the source. When the alpha talk is loud, it is usually compensation. It is a performance for other men. It is a shortcut around the work it takes to become solid.
I did not come to this opinion from the internet. I reached this conclusion early on. One time, a man I was dealing with referred to himself as an alpha male, and I remember my stomach turning at the mere mention of the title. That was not me being dramatic. That was my body clocking something my mind had not fully processed yet. It felt like weakness wrapped in a title, the same way it feels when people scream they are “chosen.” Chosen for what? If you are truly built like that, you move like that, no announcement.
Alpha to what, though? Alpha to women? Alpha to other men? Alpha in a relationship? Alpha at work? Alpha in a community? Alpha Kappa Alpha? People get addicted to labels and stop asking whether the label even makes sense. A man is not a wolf in a documentary. He is a human being living inside a society with responsibilities, consequences, and relationships. You do not get respect by demanding it. You earn it through consistency.
Psychologically, the alpha label can be a shortcut identity, a ready-made script that keeps a man from sitting with his own wounds: Be hard, be dominant, never apologize, never show softness, never admit fear, never be corrected. It sounds powerful, but it is a prison. A lot of men are not free; they are just committed to a persona.
I especially notice this trend loud with Black men, too. Not all, but enough to talk about. I see the alpha label becoming a shield and a weapon at the same time. It is used to demand obedience, especially from Black women. It is used to silence critique. It is used to avoid emotional accountability. It turns relationships into power struggles, and the man ends up needing submission to feel secure.
I cannot ignore the historical layer. When a group of men has been systematically stripped of power and protection over generations, it makes sense that some would overcorrect. Some would cling to domination as proof of worth. I am not here acting like I am a scientist, but I do know trauma gets passed down through households, behavior, survival strategies, and what boys watch and absorb about manhood.
The tragedy is that the alpha trend sells men a lie. It tells them respect comes from being feared and love comes from being obeyed. It tells them leadership looks like domination. That lie does not protect them. It isolates them. It creates men who cannot be corrected, cannot be challenged, cannot be intimate, and cannot be safe for the people who love them.
The men who impress me do not need a title. They move with quiet confidence and steady integrity. They handle their business. They protect without controlling. They provide without bragging. They communicate without cruelty. They can be strong and still be gentle. They can be respected and still be kind. They can lead without demanding worship.
So no, I am not impressed by men who call themselves alpha. If your masculinity requires an audience, it is theater. If your leadership requires intimidation, it is insecurity with a badge. A man does not become solid by declaring it. He becomes solid by how he shows up when no one is clapping, by how he treats women when they disagree with him, and by how he handles accountability without defensiveness.